So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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