WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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