Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
