Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
