New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
