i think i have two assholes
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
