I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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