i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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