Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
