No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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