awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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