How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
