drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
