Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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