Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
