It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
