areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize