Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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