i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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