Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
