Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
