So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
