He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
