Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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