Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
