I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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