So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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