It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
