i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
