oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
