her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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