so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
did you just send me my own nude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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