please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
