therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
where are my eyebrows?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
