i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
