I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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