Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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