His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
