so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
