so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
