i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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