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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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