i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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