SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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