its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
