Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
