just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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