hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
