I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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