I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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