the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
tell me about the eggs
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