I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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