I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
