Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
