Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
