If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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