if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
