i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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