But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
