is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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