Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
