sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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