It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
