I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
