I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
