These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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