i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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