Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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