Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
