Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize