we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
