Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
