We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
