White coat. Heels.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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