she looked like the before picture.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
