I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
