Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
