Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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