He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
