So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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