I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
