I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
